The Myth of Normal is full of vivid and impactful individual stories, case studies, and research evidence that highlight the injuries that are inflicted by toxic cultures, and living in societies that fail to provide the compassion and care that we need to thrive. Trauma, Mate illustrates, is a product of Western values and it impacts us all. He distinguishes between Big T’s such as abuse, harm and neglect and little T’s, such as the often unintended injury by others and circumstances on our sense of our authentic self. In that way this book offers something for everyone to make sense of their personal and relationship struggles.

Mate helps to illustrate how our brains develop in a way that harbours the injuries we have experienced, and teaches us to react in certain ways, that can become harmful. In Big T cases, this often manifests in addictive and compulsive behaviours. In Little T’s it is more likely to be buried in the stories that we tell ourselves about how and who we are. Unpicking those stories is at the heart of his model of self-help, which he calls Compassionate Inquiry.

The book is divided into 5 parts, first exploring what we now know, through neuroscience, about how our minds work in synchronisation with our bodies. He then explores childhood, from pre-birth to early experiences, parenting, education, medication and culture. He takes on racism, feminism, media and corporations in his wide-reaching exploration of the toxicity of our societies.

It can be emotionally heavy going to read at times, particularly part 4 ‘The Toxicities of our Culture’. I found myself jumping to part 5’s ‘Pathways to Wholeness’ to avoid sinking into despair. I returned later, and can recommend not missing parts, but perhaps allowing yourself to take it in bite sizes. The book works well as a pick up and put down kind of read and one that you can flick around in and return to often. Part 5 changes the tone, focusing on the art of healing and offering hope. He spells out his model for Compassionate Inquiry in chapter 26 and then offers 7 further chapters of insight and inspiration.

The book ends with a beautiful plea to awakening. Mate writes: “It all starts with waking up: waking up to what is real and authentic in and around us and what isn’t; waking up to who we are and who we are not; waking up to what our bodies are expressing and what our minds are suppressing; waking up to our wounds and our gifts: waking up to what we have believed and what we actually value: waking up to what we will no longer tolerate and what we can now accept; waking up to the myths that bind us and the interconnections that define us; waking up to the past as it has been, the present as it is, and the future as it may be; waking up most especially to the gap between what our essence calls for and what “normal” has demanded of us.”

The Myth of Normal is also available on Audible, read by his son Daniel Mate who co-authored the book. It is published by Penguin, 2022.