THOUGHTS
NeurodiversE
alleviating the exhausting self-monitoring & self-censoring
I am optimistic that the wave of interest around neurodiversity is paving the way to a more inclusive society. But for that to happen, those of us who are neurotypical have some catching up to do, to understand and learn how to accommodate the needs of people with ADHD, autism or other neurodiverse characteristics.
A recent study by the Autistic Society has identified some crucial clues for what needs to happen. The study, called Dropping the mask: It takes two, looked at what it is like for autistic people to socialise in a mixed neurotype context, in a way that feels authentic for them.
The study identifies authenticity as a key issue for groups with stigmatised identities, such as LGBTQ+ or disabled people. These groups frequently feel that they need to conceal their true self, or to portray a surface version of their true self in order to secure social acceptance, and avoid stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination.
The study found that autistic people felt that their own self-awareness and acceptance of their social needs was important, and that when they were with non autistic people who were also accepting and understanding they were better able to socialise in authentic-feeling ways.
The study also highlighted ways in which autistic people often mask or conceal their true selves including for example, forcing facial expressions, avoiding discussing specialised interests, and using conversational scripts and feigning social understanding.
Some autistic people felt that over time this masking leads to an increasingly uneasy sense of self, or results in a negative self perception or negative emotions and attitudes to being fake or deceptive. Some also felt that masking reduced the feelings of connection or closeness in social relationships and made feelings of loneliness and isolation worse.
One study participant said: The trouble is that I am so used to doing what others want that I nearly always (99%) go along with what others want. For them to start considering me and what I want would leave me at a loss as I am no longer sure what I would want. (Man, aged 61)
The study identified a number of ways that autistic (and other neurodivergent) people can have their needs better met, including:
facilitating mutual openness and acceptance of differing interests, perspectives and humour
creating more inclusive mixed-neurotype environments together
encouraging neurodivergent people to assert their social needs and preferences such as choosing to mix with a certain number of people for a certain length of time, or asking for sounds to be turned dow
asking neurodivergent people about their difficulties and needs, including asking what you can do to help
refraining from applying nonautistic interpretations to autistic communication, for example don’t insist on eye contact, even in non-verbal ways
not conjoling or pushing neurodivergent people to go beyond their limits
being generous with your time when asked to explain things
avoiding unclear language and not relying on body language to get a message across
When some of these ingredients are in place neurodivergent people experience lower anxiety and exhaustion and greater connection and rapport. They feel less pressure to conform or to conceal behaviours.
Ultimately being authentic means less self-monitoring or censoring and more self-disclosure.
This study gives me hope that we can learn to embrace neurodiversity, and support those who often feel excluded and misunderstood, and that as we develop these skills we will contribute to a more caring, understanding and inclusive society.
The study, was carried out for the National Autistic Society and published by Sage Journals: Cook, J. M., Crane, L., & Mandy, W. (2023). Dropping the mask: It takes two. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613231183059